it's my life

Two law partners hire a new cute, young secretary and a contest arises between them as
to who can bed her first, even though they're both already married. Eventually one of
them scores with her and his partner is quite eager to hear how things went. “So what did
you think?” he asks.
“Ahh,” replies the first lawyer, “my wife is better.”
Some time goes by, and then the second lawyer goes to bed with the secretary. “So,” asks
the first guy, “what did you think?”
The second guy replies, “You were right.”

..


After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client.
“Mrs. LaMay, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is
eminently fair to both of you.”
“Fair to both?!” exploded Mrs. LaMay. “I could have done that myself. What the hell do
you think I hired a lawyer for?”

..


My lawyer is bilingual. He speaks English and double talk.

..


The two teenagers were arrested for public lewdness and possession of marijuana when
they were found naked, each smoking a joint, sitting on the edge of the fountain in the
town square.
The arresting officer told them they were entitled to a phone call, since he was unable to
reach either parent.
Some time later, a man entered the station and the sergeant said, “I suppose you're the
kids' lawyer.”
“Nope,” the chap replied. “I'm just here to deliver them a pizza.”

..


At a paternity trial, the blonde's lawyer asked, “On the night of July 16, at approximately
11:45 p.m., in the locale known generally as ‘Lover's Lane,’ did the defendant have
sexual relations with you?”
“Yes,” whispered the girl, her head bowed.
“And did the defendant on that occasion, to the best of your knowledge, have a climax?”
the lawyer continued.
“Oh no,” she replied, “I'm pretty sure he had one of them real fancy Jaguars.”

..


An old man was a witness in a burglary case.
The defense lawyer asked Sam, “Did you see my client commit this burglary?”
“Yes,” said Sam, “I saw him plainly take the goods.”
The lawyer asks Sam again, “Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my
client commit this crime?”
“Yes,” says Sam, “I saw him do it.”
Then the lawyer asks Sam, “Sam, listen, you are 80 years old and your eye sight is
probably bad. Just how far can you see at night?”
Sam says, “I can see the moon, how far is that?”