it's my life

True exchanges between lawyers and witnesses:
Q. Are you married?
A. No, I'm divorced.
Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
A. A lot of things I didn't know about.
Q. And who is this person you are speaking of?
A. My ex-widow said it.

..


NASA was interviewing professionals they were thinking of sending to Mars. The touchy
part was that only one guy could go and it would be a one-way trip, the guy not ever
returning to Earth.
The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid for
going.
“One million dollars,” the engineer answered. “And I want to donate it all to my alma
mater--Rice University.”
The next applicant was a doctor, and the interviewer asked him the same question.
“Two millions dollars,” the doctor said. “I want to give a million to my family and leave
the other million for the advancement of medical research.”
The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered
in the interviewer's ear, “Three million dollars.”
“Why so much more than the others?” the interviewer asked.
The lawyer replied, “You give me three million, I'll give you one million, I'll keep a
million, and we'll send the engineer.”

..


A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.
“$50.00 for three questions,” replied the lawyer.
“Isn't that awfully steep?” asked the man.
“Yes,” the lawyer replied, “and what was your third question?”