it's my life

Two lawyers are in a bank, when armed robbers suddenly burst in. While several of the
robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers,
up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on
lawyer number one jams something in lawyer number two's hand.
Without looking down, lawyer number two whispers, “What is this?”
To which lawyer number one replies, “It's that $50 I owe you.”

..


Two guys, George and Harry, set out in a hot air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean.
After 37 hours in the air, George says, “Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see
where we are.”
Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the
cloud cover. George says, “I still can't tell where we are, let’s ask that guy on the
ground.”
So, Harry yells down to the man, “Hey, could you tell us where we are?”
The man on the ground yells back, “You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in the air.”
George turns to Harry and says, “That man must be a lawyer.”
Harry says, “How can you tell?”
“Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and totally useless.”
That's the end of the joke, but for you people who are still worried about George and
Harry; they end up in the drink, and make the front page of the New York Times:
“Balloonists Soaked by Lawyer.”

..


There was a fence that divided Heaven from Hell. One day God notices that the devil's
side is in pretty bad shape. It is falling down, badly in need of paint, weeds growing up
around it, etc. So, God hollers over the fence, “Hey Satan, why don't you fix up your side
of the fence?”
Satan hollers back, “Why don't you mind your own business.”
So God says, “I'll hire a lawyer and sue you if you don't.”
The devil replies, "Yeah, right. Where are YOU going to find a lawyer?"
“You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your
background,” sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.
“If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment,” replied the witness.

..


For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at a country inn.
The last time there, he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Again
looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn,
and then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!
“Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?” he cried. “I would
have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!”
“Well,” she said, “when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night
talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a
lawyer.”