it's my life

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On
their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, “Mommy, do they
ever bury two people in the same grave?”
“Of course not, dear,” replied the mother. “Why would you think that?”
“The tombstone back there said, ‘Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.’”

..


A couple of *actual* exchanges between lawyers and witnesses in court:
Q. Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?
A. I will be three months November 8th.
Q. Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?
A. Yes.
Q. What were you and your husband doing at that time?
Q. Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you are emotionally unstable?
A. I should be.
Q. How many times have you committed suicide?
A. Four times.

..


The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins:
1) Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew they were guilty.
2) Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high.
3) Overcharging fees to many clients.
4) Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a controversial
case.
The list goes on for quite awhile.
The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. He admits all these things, but argues,
“Wait, I've done some charity in my life also.” St. Peter looks in his book and says,
“Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to
the shoeshine boy, correct?”
The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replies, “Yes.”
St. Peter turns to the angel next to him and says, “Give this guy 15 cents and tell him to
go to hell.”