it's my life

A Brooklyn lawyer named Ernie successfully defends a major crime lord from charges of
dealing drugs, racketeering, murder, kidnapping, and selling arms.
As he is leaving the courtroom, an indignant old woman grabs him by the arm and says,
“Young man, where are your scruples? Isn’t there anyone too low for you to defend?”
“I don’t know,” Ernie replies, “What have you done?”

..


Did you hear about the old farmer in Nebraska who shot his wife dead?
He had some lawyer. The lawyer got him off scot-free.
“Have a heart, Judge, “ the lawyer pleaded. “After all, my client’s a widower!”

..


My younger sister was having one of her first gynecological appointments and she had
some questions for the doctor.
“Doctor,” she asked, “I can't ask my parents. They would kill me, but my boyfriend
wants to have anal sex. I don't know what to tell him, I mean I don't know anything
about it. Can I get pregnant?”
The kindly old doctor smiled whimsically and replied, “Of course you can, my dear.
Where do you think lawyers come from?”

..


There was a job opening in the country’s most prestigious law firm and it finally came
down to Robert and Paul.
Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both came from good families. Both
were equally attractive and well spoken. It was up to the senior partner to choose one, so
he took each aside and asked, “Why did you become a lawyer?” In seconds, he chose
Paul. Baffled, Robert took Paul aside. “I don’t understand why I was rejected. When Mr.
Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the
law, that I’d lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by
my clients. What in the world did you tell him?”
“I said I became a lawyer because of my hands,” Paul replies.
“Your hands? What do you mean?”
“Well, I took a look one day and there wasn’t any money in either of them!”

..


The relatives of the family's rich dowager gathered for the reading of her will after her
long awaited death.
“Being of sound mind,” read the lawyer, “I spent every last cent before I died.”
A bunch of lawyers were sitting around the office playing poker. “I win!” said Johnson,
at which point Henderson threw down his cards. “That’s it! I’ve had it! Johnson is
cheating!!!”
“How can you tell?” Phillips asked.
“Those aren’t the cards I dealt him!”
The New York Times, among other papers, recently published a new Hubble photograph
of distant galaxies colliding.
Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now,
but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble Space Telescope, you
can actually see the lawyers rushing to the scene.