it's my life

elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor.
The doctor said, “We have three possible donors. The first is a young, healthy athlete
who died in an automobile accident. The second is a middle-aged businessman who never
drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The third is an attorney who died
after practicing law for 30 years. Which do you want?”
“I'll take the lawyer's heart,” said the patient.
After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he
did. “It was easy,” said the patient, “I wanted a heart that hadn't been used.”

..


Judi was sitting at the defendant table while the state trooper was being cross-examined
on the witness stand.
The lawyer asked, “When you stopped Judi, were your red and blue lights flashing?”
“Yes, sir, they were.”
“Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?”
“Yes, sir, she did.”
“And,” looking at Judi, "what was it she said?”
“She said, ‘What disco am I at?’”

..


In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train smashed into a car and pushed it nearly
four hundred yards down the track. Though no one was killed, the driver took the train
company to court.
At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving
his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly
demonstrated how he'd done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.
“Congratulations,” the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. “You did superbly
under cross-examination.”
“Thanks,” he said, “but he sure had me worried.”
“How's that?” the lawyer asked.
“I was afraid he was going to ask if the damned lantern was lit!”

..


A pickpocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes.
The judge said, “Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100.”
The lawyer stood up and said, “Thank you, your honor. My client only has $75 on him at
this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd. . .”

..


Lawyers: 99.9 percent of them give the rest of the profession a bad name.

..


A guy phones a law office and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer.” The receptionist
replies, “I'm sorry but he died last week.”
The next day, he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, “I
told you yesterday, he died last week.”
The next day, the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the
receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, “I keep telling you that your lawyer died
last week. Why do you keep calling?”
The guy says, “Because I just love hearing it.”