it's my life

An investment counselor went out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business
kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, so she began
interviewing young lawyers.
“As I'm sure you can understand,” she started off with one of the first applicants, “in a
business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question.”
She leaned forward. “Mr. Peterson, are you an *honest* lawyer?”
“Honest?” replied the job prospect. “Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so
honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education and I paid back every penny the
minute I tried my very first case.”
“Impressive ... and what sort of case was that?”
The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, “He sued me for the money.’

..


It was a nice day at the park by the lake. Three guys were casting their lines to catch
some fish and a couple was rowing in a small boat near them. Two crows were cruising
by, eyeing for some targets to shit on. The younger of the two crows tried to show off and
dove onto those three guys.
Tut. Tut. Tut. But it went Thud. Thud. Hitting only two of the three.
The older crow went towards the couple in the moving rowboat.
Tut. Tut. And it went Thud. Hitting only one of them. Since this was a moving target, it
didn't seem all that bad.
Then out from nowhere came this little bird, wings still wet like it was just been hatched.
It dove towards those three guys.
Tut. Tut. Tut. Thud. Thud. Thud.
It swooped over to the rowboat.
Tut. Tut. Thud. Thud.
Then a kid riding a bike came around. It flew over there.
Tut. Thud.
And it then rested on a tree branch.
The two crows felt embarrassed and went over there and said, “We are impressed! Where
do you learn to shit on people like that?”
The little one said, “I may be a new hatch but I've got plenty of experience. In my former
life I was a lawyer.”

..


An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an
Italian lawyer approached him and asked, “Is it true that a person can fall down on a
sidewalk in your county and then sue the landowners for lots of money?”
Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started speaking rapidly in
Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America
to practice law.
“No, no,” one replied. “We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks.”