it's my life

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them,
would you:
(1) go to lunch or (2) read the paper?

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Two lawyers were walking down the street when they saw a beautiful blonde. The first
one said, “How'd you like to fuck that?”
The second one said, “Out of what?”

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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent
clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

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A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking
down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he
would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud “THUMP” and then he would swerve
back on the road. One day, as the truck driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitch
hiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.
He asked the priest, “Where are you going, Father?”
“I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road,” replied the priest.
“No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck.”
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the
road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he
swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so
at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the lawyer. However,
even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud “THUD.”
Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he
didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, “I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that
lawyer.”
“That's okay,” replied the priest. “I got him with the door!”

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Two little boys are talking to each other. One of them says, “What does your dad do for a
living?”
The other says, “He is a lawyer.”
The first one says, “Honest?”
“No, just a regular lawyer.”

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Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said, “I want you to help me obtain a divorce. My
husband is getting a little queer to sleep with.”
“What do you mean?” asked the attorney. “Does he force you to indulge in unusual sex
practices?”
“No, he doesn't,” replied the woman, “and neither does the little queer.”