it's my life

Lawyers and computers have both been proliferating since 1970. Unfortunately, lawyers,
unlike computers, have not gotten twice as smart and half as expensive every 18 months.

..


The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, “If you were to give
someone an orange, how would you go about it?”
The student replied, “Here's an orange.”
The professor was outraged. “No! No! Think like a lawyer!”
The student then replied, “Okay. I'd tell him, ‘I hereby give and convey to you all and
singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said
orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages
with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away
with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or
in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary
in anywise notwithstanding...’”

..


A judge enters the courtroom, strikes the gavel and says, “Before I begin this trial, I have
an announcement to make. The lawyer for the defense has paid me $15,000 to swing the
case his way. The lawyer for the plaintiff has paid me $10,000 to swing the case her way.
In order to make this a fair trial, I am returning $5,000 to the defense.”